the show business

it's all about the 'show business'...

such a strong take home message after a 6-day-long training... i wonder if i have told my ex-managers about it, would they ever wanna send new employed to the training anymore? i am out of the 'show business' just 2 hours ago... having to quit again without having another job secured may not be as fun as one have thought! but it is a decision to make... and in life, like it or not, it's all about decision making...

mathematics in life

waking up to reality = letting go of dreams?

dancing in the rain

something has been constantly playing in her mind lately... if only God knew her better than she does, He wouldn't have placed her in such situation? she's in a situation where she thinks she's being shortchanged, if not so, God must be fooling her around...

is it good enough to only learn how to dance in the rain but not fighting too hard to survive in the storm? is she willing to settle for the second best?

not even Papico is able to restore the smile on her face...

this will only make her miss her days with Papico... more...

one fine day, she'll meet Papico in the land of Papico...

the way . or purely him?

she once thought that...

she's amazed by the way he lives life, work hard and play even harder
she's inspired by the way he works, always going for the extra miles
she's delighted by the way he shares his fun-crappie talk about life and people
she's influenced by the way he thinks about the universe and its rules

so...
she thinks he's sophisticated as he seems to know a little bit of everything

tonight, she pondered and asked again... is it really the way or him? she wonders...

little. little things that enlightened my heart

i'm enlightened because...

i. the lady boutique owner remembered my name even after such a long time since my last visit there. perhaps this is the advantage you get for being a long-term loyal customer. and of course, it still comes with the 30% discount. a colleague once trying to brag that she holds a vip card from the boutique which entitles her a 10% discount with any purchase. after having heard of that, i sniggered as i walked away from her working cubicle.

ii. i made a mug of good coffee in my favourite coffee-making mug. it's a cheap and not so good looking mug with my favourite cartoon character print on it - the snoopy! but i have been using it from my first job till now, and it has been faithful to me for being able to turn any coffee made in it into a great one. and the good news is, i am bringing it to my new work place next week!

truth hurts

truth hurts. it hurts beyond what you can imagine. beyond what you can take.

i need to find a secret place to hide this vulnerable heart. it needs to be kept carefully and only the right one will be able to locate and unlock it.

till then, till the next new beginning, something's gonna end first.

crying from the inside

i wanna cry. i just feel like it now...

reasons:
i am tired
i am overwhelmed with life issues . all at the same time
i am anxious of knowing the answers
i am losing my patience waiting for the replies
i start doubting myself
i am empty on the inside
i am insecured
i am not who i am now
i promised someone who loves me from above that i'll stop missing somebody on earth

i miss him.
his shi-llarious-ness. his stupidness. his crazyness. his magic.
... for one last time ...

never take NO?

i have this book with the title printed big on its red cover sitting right in front of my lappie since this morning! it's a second-hand book that i bought from an english bookstore in shibuya a month ago. i am not here to tell about the book, but why i have it sitting on my working table? i needed it simply because i think the title helps to keep my chin up in the midst of fighting with life issues. it may sound silly but i hope it helps :P in a way, or so...

i smell that fall is on its way

it rained a little on monday and weather has been getting better each day since then... the late night chilly wind blowing down Shinbashi as the two stood at the crossroad waiting for each other to come up with 'what's next' confirmed that fall is on its way...

walk it like you talk it

sr : hey, i can't walk a straight line! guess it's just too much of Umeshu!
bd : haha!
sr : i really can't walk a straight line! see!
bd : why do you have to walk on a straight line? you walk your way and the way you walked will take you to your destiny! it's not neccessary that you have to walk on a straight way all the time!

how many times in life you have a good buddy that will always stand by your side no matter how 'drunk' are you?

even just for that one time, it's enough to last!

love bypass..es..

...He ran an electrocardiogram and found that I needed several 'love bypasses' since my arteries were blocked with loneliness and could not provide for an empty heart...

126yen's happiness

the search of the lost happiness continued from thursday midnight to a rainy friday night... from the convenient store nearby to the supermarket across the road... followed by another convenient store located in another part of the town she lives, then hyaku yen shop next door, and finally she found her lost happiness from a 24-7 i-7-eleven late Friday night! happily she forked out some coins from the wallet, counting them in front of the lady cashier

...100yen, 10yen, 10yen, 6yen...

making up to a total of 126yen! the lady cashier was staring at her one kind, a bakka gaijin, she might probably thought! but who cares? does she care? not a single second!

leaping out happily one hand holding her handbag, laptop bag and umbrella, another hand with the found happiness - Papico!

walking in the rain with a joyful heart as she enjoyed the sweetness of Papico along the way back home!

back to reality

if only one day i discovered that my soul searching journey is a stupid decision due to the stubborness in me that has refused to accept the universal rules . it'd be scary!

if only one day i found out that i no longer have the urge to break the universal rules, it'd be scary too! that would be the day i need to rediscover myself!

maybe it's time to turn off the resistance button hidden in me. maybe it's right to just go with the flow. maybe i should stop insisting to live the way i wish to live.

free to love. freed to love

to be able to love freely is nevertheless one of the most beautiful episodes that could ever happened in one's life

but there's always another type of love that requires more, to free to love. to free your loved one if you love him or her enough, to free yourself if you love yourself more than anyone else on earth

fear of death . lost . pain

Abby. I thought of her as I drove my car towards the car porch just now. It’s a tiring day. Not physically tired but mentally and emotionally. She left us last year but every time I thought of her, she seems so close to my heart.

“Tears couldn’t help rolling down non-stop as I got out of my car parked in the car porch walking towards her. Dad covered her body with gunny sack. I never thought I would lose her so soon. Too soon…”

She is a real good buddy. She’s been by my side all the time since we had her in the family. We had so much fun playing soccer together with mom in the garden. She’s seen me through my ups and downs, shared my laughter and tears. I know that I can always share my heart with her as she’s the forever faithful one. Faithful till her very last moments with the family.

The pain of losing her is so great. So real even till now. I weep as I type.

bored to death

what do you do when you are extremely bored at work place? how i wish i can scream out loud and tell the whole world that i am almost bored to death!

someone from far. who reads me well

david smith. an american who lives long enough in japan. his japanese accent confirms this. a genuine colleague. a good mentor. a fun guy. rich in his sense of humour. an american who looks and behaves more like an asian. crazy for szechuan mapo tohu. a great thinker. a music lover.

thanks to his timely advice in times of need.

ganbaro david!

happiness

happiness in life can be so easy and yet complicated...

i have always wanted to be happy as who i am but it seems next to impossible especially when i am so caught up in the corporate world... i wouldn't say it's impossible but the probability is low, at least for me, it is...

for now, i know, i cannot be happy as who i am... i am loosing myself bit by bit in the busyness of my meaningless daily routine... mind*heart*soul do not seem to be aligned and intacted with each other...

slowing down the pace of life is needed to patch the scattered thoughts in mind, to search the lost soul and to listen to the true little voice in heart...

countable blessings

i learned that blessings can be counted if you wanna count on it... i counted on my blessings received yesterday...

...mommy, pappa, christine, justine, edwin, selsee, jecy, rayson, aunty molly, suchee, elo, adeline, phoebe, rachel, e.laine, sheng, weishin, puifong, winnie, lingling, sansan, chingli, jenny, evelin, amy, clara, clarice, janice, peiming, peishi, soo, gk, angie, cherie, siewmun, charlene, siaoying, robert, andrea, joyce, kate, kailing, wee, ellis, john, rachelann, puichan, sandy, hwan, deborah...

thank you from the bottom of my heart

confession of a shopaholic

it's almost mine! the little floral dress hanging on the metallic garment rack in Zara! after much tossing and turning on my bed... i have decided to own it ^_^

i must confess... the last thing that i can ever resist is no other than a floral dress...

indispensable partner

Familiarity in an unfamiliar place

'indispensable partner'! the theme for the most recent 2009 annual conference held in queenstown. an amazing place that one shouldn't have missed. having thought of the theme again, what i could really think of, is my indispensable partner, the greatest companion, all the time, especially when i am traveling : starbucks's skinny latte (preferably in to-go cup)! i missed the privilege of being able to just leap across the walkway from the hotel where i stayed in penang for a cup of small skinny latte... just before shop closes at 12midnight... the last sip of the hot latte in a cold hotel room completes my day... lights off... and the aroma stays till the next daybreak...